Thursday, February 19, 2009

Anticipating Hurricane Esther Jenn

Hubby Sonny works nights every other month. On the evens, he misses church because he has to work on Sundays.

Jack will be moving out in a few months to go on a mission.

Bob will be moving out this weekend to live with a family whose son has attained sobriety.

That leaves me with four daughters. With only the occasional male presence. Can you say "estrogen overload"?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

For Sonny: Stargazing, Surprises, and Sparklies

Twenty years ago today, you asked me as we gazed at the stars
To wish on one of them.

The third of three proposals that Valentine week, this one caught me dozing off.
Had I been wide awake, I wonder . . . would I have been more shocked?

Running to the planetarium that night, after not being sure we wanted to go, I was feeling so yanked around. I even fell and skinned my knee and ripped my hose. But good thing I did, since my ducking into the ladies' room afforded you a few moments to be sure that your plan was under way.

Proposal # 1 was on Sunday night, when we were at your apartment, and it seemed to me like we were planning calendar items. But there must have been some goal setting going on. You asked me to prepare to go to the temple with you. I happily agreed. I dreamt later that night that you and I were at a party, looking for my mom, to tell her of our engagement. First thing in the morning, you called and asked me if we were, in fact, engaged. I laughed and said "No!"

Tuesday evening was a romantic end to a full day of Valentining for you and me. We had surprised each other all day long with cards in lockers, service (remember "breakfast in bed" at 4 pm?), and homemade gifts. We went to the BYU basketball game, and you held my hand. While playing with my ring, you asked me to go ring shopping with you. Afterward, we stood on the bridge between the Marriott Center and the admin bldg. I was on top of the world.

So we agreed to keep our engagement a surprise, a yummy little treat to share just between the two of us, for the time being. Mmm-mmm!

But our ring-shopping date did not happen. You stood me up for hours. That turned out to be a blessing for me, because while I waited for you at our spot in the library, I caught up on my journal writing. I realized that we had something serious going on, and that it was all developing really, really fast.

You finally did show up, and you were nervous. But I did not recognize that. I just noticed that you were holding back. No handholding?! Then you started talking about maybe slowing things down a bit. I thought, "Take your time, do what you gotta do. I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back!"

We walked to my apartment, since we decided that the ring shopping could wait. I was feeling let down, but I was also tired. It was Friday afternoon, and I just started unwinding. I was surprised when, at the last minute, you said, "Let's go!" to the much-earlier-planned planetarium show. Whatever.

I changed clothes fast, but not too fast to tell my old roommate Michelle that "Men were put on this Earth to frustrate and confuse women!"

Wearing my red suede skirt, a borrowed black top from my roomie Loraine, and black boots, I walked with you back up to campus. No, we did NOT walk. You held my hand and made me run! I'm sure we did the walk-20, run-20.

I guess those boots didn't have much traction on the ice.

Hmm, ice, stars, and diamonds . . .
clear, bright, and hard.

I fell on the ice, then a diamond fell into my hand, and finally, we climbed onto the planetarium roof . . . I've been freefalling ever since. Thanks for holding my hand.

Monday, February 16, 2009

How's that?

So my hubby was having a little fun with our very special 7-y-o daughter Mozy. She was bearing her testimony in her own karaoke microphone. Then she was saying "I love you" to him, and then he took turns with her. It became a game of one-uppance and he said, "I love you oodles and gobs!" Mozelle answered, "I love you NOODLES and DOGS!"

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Emotional Roller Coaster, Part I

Thursday, January, 8 2009

Peed on a stick. Hubby said "Looks like a nnnnnnnnnegative?"

I looked. Two lines. "No, that's a positive. [Moan.] I was not ready to know that."

I researched midwives and doctors. Made an appointment, midwife canceled because she was at a birth, I made another appointment with a doctor, went to the clinic and paid $25 to pee in their cup, learned more about the relative costs of delivering at different hospitals, canceled appointment, called another doctor, and made another appointment.

As this first prenatal visit loomed, I got a little bit excited. Also nauseous. I was dealing with the roller coaster ride of having a child in drug rehab, and I was so confused about how to pick the right care provider for this pregnancy, and I would cry . . . and take lots of naps . . . and worry about whether I should really exercise.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

After hesitating and procrastinating for weeks, we finally tell the children. There are already 6 of them, so we might as well have held a press conference with the Associated Press and CNN. Instead, it went more like this:

Daddy tells Louella (3). She says "I went pee. I want candy."
Daddy tells Mozelle (7) while we're eating lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Mozy tells the waiters that I'm having a baby. Mozy tells her big brother Bob when we pick him up at school that I'm having a baby. Bob (16) looks at me in disbelief. I confirm with a smile. He gets belligerent. I ask Mozy to keep quiet about the baby. I drop Bob off at outpatient group therapy, and then finally Mozy gets to talk again about the baby. We go home, and I get the camera ready, and Mozy tells Jolie on video that I'm having a baby. Jolie (12) gets excited and has questions. Noelle (9) comes home from school, and Jolie tells Noelle on camera (game-show-style) that I'm having a baby. Noelle goes NUTS! Jack (18) comes home from work and Noelle tells Jack on camera (game-show-style) that I'm having a baby. Jack nearly posts the news on Facebook, until I politely ask him not to, as I have not yet shared the news with my parents.

Thursday February 5, 2009

Dropping the girls off at my folks' house before heading off to a parents' support group meeting, I enter their living room as Mozelle tells GrandDad that I'm having a baby. GrandDad looks at me in disbelief. I say, "Guess what?!" GrandDad calls Gram into the room. I tell them both that we are having a baby in mid-September. GrandDad says, "You're 40 years old!" I say, "Yep, and I'll be 41 when I deliver this baby."

Friday February 6, 2009

I take Louella with me to see the OB/gyn. Fill out papers, wait to be called, get weighed, pee in a cup, have blood pressure measured. Nurse says the pregnancy test is positive. I say, "Yeah, I'd hate to feel like this if I weren't having a baby."

I get undressed, meet the doctor. Ultrasound shows nothing but placenta. Doctor says "blighted ovum blah blah blah" and I get to learn more about reproduction. I am relieved that I will get to take some pain relievers now for this crazy headache I've had for over 24 hours.

I get dressed and explain to Louella that there's no baby inside my belly after all. We go into doctor's personal office, where we discuss things like further ultrasounds, D & C procedures, prescriptions for pain medications, and follow-up appointments.

We go to the front desk to check out, where we get a sucker for Louella. I get to make follow-up appointments (3 of them, because the scheduler cannot read the doctor's handwriting!), and I get to pay $25 as co-payment for this lovely experience.

Louella and I head down to the hospital registration department to get ready for a more high-tech ultrasound. It takes a half-mile hike, filling out paperwork twice, and four helpful and polite hospital workers.

While waiting, I try to get Louella to use the bathroom. She is steadfast in her need for only food and water, not for a toilet. I tell her that she has to hold still during the ultrasound. We do a lot of waiting and I do a lot of praying.

The hospital sound system blares loudly the lullaby tune that signals a newborn's arrival three or four times before I get to have my fancy shmancy ultrasound that gives me no more hope than the first one had.

We leave the hospital but not without getting some lunch first. Louella and I eat a turkey sandwich, a fruit salad, and quite a bit of pudding on our way home.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I lived in Heaven

"I was with Jesus, and my mom got a new child, me!"--Louella, age 3

I love these precious moments of truth out of the mouths of babes.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


I was tucking my youngest daughters into bed the other night, when my youngest asked me to sleep in her bed. I was glad to get off my feet for a few minutes. I lay down and she snuggled right up next to me and said, "I love you, Big Fat Mommy!" and then she growled.